Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He? As in you personified your dick?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
