yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
3pm strippers are depressing
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
