Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
