everyone is single if you try hard enough
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
