i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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