watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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