I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
