her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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