The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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