well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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