I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
