NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
