I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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