he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
