so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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