My boss' voice literally gives me gas
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
