I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
