it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
i think i just lost a toe
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
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