Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
