I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
