Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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