my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
