In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
