this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
