Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize