Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
