Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
