You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
he just fucked me for my cheese..
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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