Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
