Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
