I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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