Whod you bang
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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