Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
