Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
