i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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