jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I forgot wine drunk hurts
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
