I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Randomize
