4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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