Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
