What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
