You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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