She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
