So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
