who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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