Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
