you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
