My nipple is on Facebook.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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