It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
