It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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