I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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