Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
