I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I want to walk on stilts...naked
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Randomize
