i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
third nipple confirmed
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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