Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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