so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
