I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize