i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Did you just see the Batmobile???
What drink are we having for lunch?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
