I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
