Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
