remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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