I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
