Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
