Please, let me fuck your mom
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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