what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
