Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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