The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize