like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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