You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
