Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize