I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
