I just made out with a guy for $7.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
