i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
