You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
