On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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