she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
