I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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