You're completely useless in the revolution.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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