No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
