whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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