The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
There was a lot of him and a little penis
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Randomize
