OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
