It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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