so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
